I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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