look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
