How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
