Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
