How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I have aggressive nipples.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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