last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
