You're my little dorito
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
