3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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