Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He shit in the fireplace
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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