I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
