the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
