how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
