All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Success! We fucked roommates!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
