I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
