The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
