FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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