I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
