I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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