singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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