she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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