i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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