Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
