And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
