Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
