Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
