I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
