Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
