So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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