I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
