I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
