Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
