i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
