Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
