i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
