just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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