i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
