i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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