I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
