I think i peed on brittanys purse
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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