And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
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i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
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We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize