well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
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