My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
