so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
