omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
