he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
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Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
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Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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