no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
