i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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