i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My breasts were aching with rage.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
