I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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