So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
