I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
