u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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