just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
