she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
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I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
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"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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