Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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