As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
