i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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