There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
