So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
