we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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