She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
