Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
