Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
