Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
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He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
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Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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