If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
you never un-have a 4some
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize