I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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