Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
