oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
