She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
