My nipple is on Facebook.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
