your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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