Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she peed on how many people?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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