Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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