If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
