No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
