So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
