I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
