I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
