What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
